Grown from a derelict Squatch fetus, this man spent his entire childhood in the woods forging for food and building alliances with the local creatures. As a teen he decided he'd had enough, and started a YouTube channel. It's not very good. That is all.

Oompa is good at basically nothing that actually matters. If you need to know some useless information, he's your guy.


Birthed from a whale as a fully grown, 3'7, 3lbs 700oz man. The immense stature he was gifted with, allowed for only one possible path... The path of Hackboi. 

Rifty is good at designing things. He's also an edgelord. And his mic is shit.


Born from the residue of the great king HUZZAH's gilded magical hookah, this young handsome was destined to play pretend on the internet as an adult!

Swollen is good at everything except for Cooking.


Spawned in the mist of the Pacific Northwest, this pale man has been Bearded since the day he was born. The Beard is the foundation of his life, without it, he is nothing.

Good at forging weapons using his Beard.


Lord Ryan was created at the MI6 headquarters in the secret basement of Big Ben. Never brushing his teeth a single time in his life, he set off on an adventure to find success. Fueled by tea and crumpets he eventually achieved exactly that. Although, some say he still hasn't brushed.